Have you ever had one of those moments where from one second to the next you feel such a strong shift in your perspective on your own life that you feel like a different person? If you have, you know exactly how disconcerting (and sometimes freeing) this can be.
If you haven’t experienced this, think of it like making the mental shift from considering one of your own actions, to considering that of someone else. This happened to me this morning as I struggled to free myself from my usual bout of morning anxiety and depression.
I should probably back up here for a minute. For those reading this that don’t know me personally, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I understood what the words meant in a psychological context. This is not a plea for pity or support in any way, it will just help fill in the gaps when you consider the things I write.
Back to this morning…
I was washing dishes, mentally writhing and trying to break free of the depression that sometimes sticks to my thoughts like tar, when all of a sudden, every strand of sticky mental goo fell away and I had a moment of clarity. Of peace. A moment to see my life as it truly was. A work in progress, but certainly nothing to be depressed or anxious about. An adventure in the making.
And then, as suddenly as it came, the clarity left. There was only the tingling of it remaining, like the hint of chocolate or coffee on the tongue long after the treat has disappeared. I was sad to see it go, but, as with most experiences I have, it got me thinking.
How can I have more moments like that? Moments where pessimism and long years spent in a very dark emotional place seem as distant as the stars above. Moments where I see my life the way it really is. Not some grand fantasy or dark horror, but the true nature of the life I have to live. Moments of anticipation for what lies ahead.
One of my favorite quotes (I don’t think I invented it, but I don’t remember where I got it) is, “Time is the only true currency we have.” We get nothing else of value in this life. It’s one of the trite truisms of bumper stickers and refrigerator magnets, but for me it is one of the most difficult truths I’ve ever struggled to grasp and implement in my life.
I waste my time. I waste it in worry. I waste it in fear. I waste it in contemplating how I SHOULD live or what I OUGHT to do or what MIGHT go wrong (or right). Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not calling planning a waste of time. I’m not calling thoughtful consideration of a proposed action a waste of time. But I get stuck there. I sit there in fear of making a misstep and so I take NO step.
You probably saw from my blurb on the home page that my main focus is self-improvement. I truly believe that improving myself is the only path I have to make my life (and, by extension, this world) a better one.
The absolute tragedy of any life is the time wasted in fear and doubt and mental anguish. We all go through dark times, sure. But to become mired there. For our life to become a mindless trudging through misery. That is unacceptable.
So where do I go from here? It’s fine to say that depression and anxiety are a waste of time. But what can I DO about it practically? What steps can I take to ensure I have those perspective shifting moments more often?
I have two thoughts.
First, as the famous psychologist William James said, “Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.”
I’ve learned that one of the shortest paths to misery is struggling against that which is unchangeable. I woke up this morning. I was extremely anxious, and somewhat depressed. There was nothing I could do about those two facts. Therefore, being angry and struggling against the fact that I was feeling that way was my first mistake.
By accepting what is, being “willing to have it so,” we disempower them. We take away their platform and don’t allow them to monopolize our attention with unnecessary struggle.
Second, after we have accepted the facts of any situation, we can then begin to think about the best way to shift our thinking. My favorite way is to imagine that my problems are those of someone else. By doing this I begin the process of perspective shift through a simple act of imagination.
You can speak it out loud if it helps, “Joe Blow woke up feeling anxious and depressed this morning.” And now you can ask questions about Joe to find out what some solutions might be. What is Joe feeling anxious about? Is there a core issue that can be helped by just revealing what it is? Is Joe depressed because of something specific, or is it just a mental habit? Does Joe have anything in his life right now that he’s especially afraid of? If so, what productive action could Joe take to reduce that fear by 1 percent?
By intentionally removing the pressure from yourself in this way, even though it’s just pushing it onto an imaginary person, you can encourage those moments of clarity where you see your own problem as though it belongs to someone else. That irrational fear that you have for your own problems evaporates when you consider the problems of others.
Now, a brief disclaimer. I’m writing here about what works for ME. This is not a specific recommended psychological technique (that I’m aware of) nor do I intend to take on any role as a therapist.
For me these two techniques are helpful (when I remember to do them), and so I’ve decided to start building a habit around them. When I experience the trigger of anxiety or depression, I’m going to first accept these feelings as a fact, rather than railing against my shitty lot in life for having to deal with them at all.
And then I’m going to start breaking down the problems as though they belonged to someone else. Because the truth is, we all are better at solving other people’s problems than our own. And I think the key to harnessing that power is habitually gaining a new perspective.